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  • Why Timing is Everything When it Comes to Marriage Counseling

    Seeking
    help from a marriage counselor is not unlike seeking help from a mechanic. It
    makes little sense to take your car into the shop a month
    after it started making a horrific noise. By that time, too much
    damage may have been done and your engine may be beyond repair.

    By
    the same token, the effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related
    not only to the willingness and motivation of both parties to put in the effort,
    but also to the timing. The time to consider marriage counseling is not when
    one (or both) people have already thrown in the towel.

    For
    instance, in some relationships, when one or both partners have already decided
    to end the marriage, they may use counseling as a “safe space” to drop the news
    on their spouse. This is obviously not the best timing to attempt counseling.

    Sometimes
    issues are too ingrained and longstanding for counseling to be truly effective.
    If a couple has been building up resentment toward one another for five or more
    years before seeking help, it may be too late. While counseling is a wonderful
    way to help couples reconnect and heal, it is not a miracle cure.

    When and How Marriage
    Counseling Can Help

    It’s
    important that both individuals truly want the relationship to work. When both
    parties are willing to invest time and energy, marriage counseling can be the
    catalyst for real and lasting change.

    It
    is also important that couples choose a therapist who’s a good fit. Both
    spouses must feel comfortable with the therapist for any progress to be made.

    So,
    how exactly can marriage counseling help? In a number of ways:

    ·      
    Counselors
    help couples identify toxic behavioral patterns and give them tools to make adjustments.

    ·      
    Each
    partner can gain new insights and perspective into the relationship.

    ·      
    Tools
    help couples resolve conflicts with grace and respect so escalation can be
    avoided.

    ·      
    Partners
    can begin to build trust and improve communication.

    If
    you and your spouse decide to try marriage counseling, here are some tips for
    success:

    ·      
    Take
    it seriously. Commit to the work and do it.

    ·      
    Be
    open. If you’ve chosen the right therapist, you should feel free and safe to
    discuss your true feelings and needs. Don’t hold back. In order for therapy to
    work, both people have to have the courage to be vulnerable.

    ·      
    Avoid
    the blame game. Each person must take responsibility for their part.

    ·      
    Be
    realistic about how long it will take before real change begins. While you can
    begin using tools immediately, healing won’t happen overnight.

     

    If
    you and your partner are experiencing marital problems, don’t wait to get help.
    The sooner you do, the more likely your issues can be resolved. If you or a
    loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I
    would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.